It’s a Journey, Not a Race: How Small Shifts Can Create Lasting Change

We all like to believe that when we learn something new—whether it’s mindfulness, goal setting, or emotional regulation—we’ll naturally start using it in everyday life. But change doesn’t happen instantly. It’s not about pushing harder or forcing new habits. Real, lasting change happens in small, intentional steps—and sometimes, we slip back into old patterns along the way.

I was reminded of this in the most frustrating way.

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The Reality Check After a Mindfulness Retreat

A few years ago, I went on an eight-day mindfulness retreat with my good friend Charlotte. It was a beautiful, grounding experience—exactly what I needed at the time, as I was also caring for my father full-time. I left the retreat feeling calm, clear, and deeply in my Zen state. I was convinced I’d mastered staying present and composed no matter what life threw at me.

Then I walked through the door at home.

I greeted my dad, and his response instantly sent up red flags. His tone was off. When I asked what was wrong, he mentioned he had a bit of a chest cold—which, for him, was dangerous.

Just like that, my brain flipped from mindfulness to emergency mode.

For the next two hours, I was running purely on stress. My mind raced with worst-case scenarios. Did he need to go to the hospital? How would I manage this? What if it got worse overnight?

Two full hours later, my prefrontal cortex finally kicked in, and I realised something:

🔹 I had completely lost myself in stress mode.
🔹 Despite everything I had just learned at my retreat, my brain had automatically fallen back into old patterns.

And here’s the thing—that’s normal.

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Why We React First (and How to Change That)

This experience reminded me that rewiring the brain takes time. Even when we learn new ways of thinking, we don’t always apply them instantly—especially in moments of stress.

Most of us follow the pattern of:

Event → Reaction → Outcome

Something happens, we react automatically, and that reaction determines what happens next. But what if we flipped that?

Instead of reacting on autopilot, what if we first thought about the outcome we wanted—and then chose how to respond?

Event → Outcome → Reaction

This small shift allows us to pause, reset, and respond more intentionally rather than getting swept up in stress.

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The Science Behind This Shift

This isn’t just about willpower—our brain is wired to react automatically. But with awareness and practice, we can retrain our responses.

🔹 The Reticular Activating System (RAS): Our brain filters what we focus on. If we expect stress, we find stress. If we focus on solutions, we notice opportunities.

🔹 The 90-Second Rule (Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor): An emotional reaction physically lasts only 90 seconds. After that, if we’re still stressed, it’s because we’re replaying the event in our mind.

🔹 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Our thoughts shape our emotions, which influence our actions. If we change the way we think about an event, we change how we respond.

🔹 The Power of Habit (Charles Duhigg): Explores how habits form in a loop (cue → routine → reward) and how we can break automatic reactions by consciously shifting our response.

🔹 18 Minutes (Peter Bregman): Highlights the importance of a pause before reacting, showing how a simple moment of reflection can shift us from automatic stress responses to intentional decision-making.

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How to Practice This in Daily Life

Shifting from Event → Reaction → Outcome to Event → Outcome → Reaction doesn’t happen overnight. But the more you practice, the stronger your prefrontal cortex becomes—making it easier to respond intentionally instead of reacting impulsively.

Try this next time you feel stress rising:

1️⃣ Pause for three seconds. Take a breath before reacting.
2️⃣ Ask yourself: What outcome do I want here?
3️⃣ Choose your response based on that outcome.

It’s simple, but powerful.

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The Role of Reflection in Creating Change

This experience was such a powerful reminder for me that I dedicated an entire page to this concept in the NFP Planner.

Why? Because change doesn’t happen from just knowing something—it happens when we create space to reflect, reset, and practice responding differently over time.

The NFP Planner isn’t just about ticking off tasks—it’s designed to help you:
✔ Recognise patterns that may be holding you back.
✔ Pause before reacting, helping you shift automatic habits.
✔ Track your progress, so small changes add up over time.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly reacting instead of responding, this is your reminder that change is possible. Not in one big leap, but in small, intentional shifts—one breath, one decision at a time.

Because real progress doesn’t happen in a race. It happens in the journey.

Want to Learn More?

📖 Books that helped shape this concept:

✔ The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg  - 👉 Check it out on Amazon
✔ 18 Minutes by Peter Bregman – 👉 Check it out on Amazon

📝 Ready to go deeper?
Check out the NFP Planner, designed to help you create lasting change, one step at a time.  👉 Shop Now